Beauty is more than what you see...

Monday, February 27, 2006


What a complicated thing! This topic stems from something I saw on my friends blog... the question was love at first site or learn to love... she answered : both.

Heather I couldnt agree more, when it comes to such a simply complicated thing as love yea i belive in love at first site but i also believe that every day you wake up and you make a choice to keep on loving that person. So in reality Love in and of itself is a choice....I believe that you can choose to love someone the first time you ever meet them. Take me for example : my last relationship (which i didnt want to end) the first time i met him i knew i would fall in love with him. So for every other time we saw each other i would find something new about him that i loved and that was worth loving- its easy to do if your looking for things to love about a person. But on the other hand Ive been in relationships where i actually looked for the reasons i shouldnt be with that person- its all a choice. So for the people who say noone can help who they fall in love with- I dont agree with you, sure maybe your not consiously doing it but your pre-determined thoughts about that person - helps you along.

Love is beautiful and not to be squandered. Hold on to Love with all your might you never know when it could slip out of your hands.....

Sunday, January 01, 2006


OK so waiting till midnight wasnt that bad. It was actually kinda fun! I dont really know most of the people that were at the party - I do good to remember their names. But they are fun to be around. But to be completely honest I miss my old friends! I miss my friends in SC! Wish I could see them again I cant believe its almost been 2 years! It breaks my heart! I wish I could just pick up and go see them when ever I felt like it! It would be great to be able to share Abbi with them! She is so wonderful I thank God for my precious lil girl!!!!

Yea Im just blabbin now.... They should change it from blogger to blabber - thats what most of us do anyway!

Peace guys

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Almost there...

Well its now only 5 hours till 2006 and I have 10 billion things going through my mind. I dont really know what to think anymore. What to expect in the new year? Im not really sure and I dont really know! I pray that this next year is better than the last!!! I feel like I am standing on the edge of a mountain staring into the unknown or better senario standing at the front of an uncharted jungle not knowing whats inside or who is out there! Am I afraid? I'm not really sure! I am kinda but on the other hand Im not!

Oh well my mind just went completely blank and I dont have anything else -

Happy New Year everyone!

Thursday, December 29, 2005


Well the one thing i never thought would happen happend. Its over. And all ive done since he left my porch is cry. I dont let anyone see and i act ok, like nothin is wrong. But inside i feel dead. I want so bad to call him hear his voice. Just say i love you one more time. I miss his touch. His gental way. I cant eat. I dont sleep. I love him deeper than words can say but i cant have him. This hurts so horribly. I wish it never ended! All i can say now is "Jesus take the wheel. Take it from my hands. I cant do this on my own. Im letting go gimme one more chance save me from this road im on. Jesus take the wheel." *carrie underwood* i know ill get through this beacause with God all things are possible. But for now i hurt.

Saturday, November 05, 2005


Why do people say one thing and do another??? I dont get it! Either your going to do something or your not. Your either here or your not. It makes perfect sense to me. And it should to anybody with any sense!!! I can understand if circumstances prevented someone from doing something they said they would do... but to not do something simply because you dont want to???? THATS CRAZY!!! If you dont want to why dont you just say no in the first place???

People can be soooo empty headed!!! And people wonder why its so hard to trust others. Its because of broken words and promises! Its completely stupid! I will never understand fully why anyone would give their word on something and not follow through! I mean come on!!!!!

Ok Im done venting... this just really irritates me!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

A New Spin...

Life can take so many unexpected turns! Have you ever thought you figured something out then it turns around and becomes the exact oppisite of what you thought??? What about ever given up on a friend who seemed to be too distant to ever turn back around. Someone you fought with over and over again about the same issue and then right as you think your done for and you start to just give up they suddenly take a turn towards the right direction?? Its amazing to me how these things happen. Ya know sometimes when we think if we just push someone hard enough they may learn eventually... but the old saying is very true some people just have to learn the hard way. Like the little boy who refuses to do his school work - and gets held back a year because he failed. You would think after the first time he would learn... so you push and push him to do whats right yet he still doesnt want to listen.... so for the second year in a row hes held back. Well the same begins in the next year- do you push him? Or do you leave him to his own fate? Its times like these when we need to step back and look at our responses.... if we push the child like we have done in the past - pointing out what will happen if he doesnt listen again - he will only rebel and do his own thing trying to prove you wrong... But if we step back and let him to his own fate he may actually learn from his mistakes....
Then again we see the other side of it - if we dont say something then he may never learn and he may end up in another year of younger kids and the same homework hes had for the past two....
Where do we draw the line? When do we quit reaching out? When are our words of wisdom and love completely useless and we are doing nothing more then casting our pearls before swine???

I guess I will never know... but this I have learned - I wont push so much... but I will never give up! I will just take it from a different approach.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Life as we know it...

Have you ever noticed how much one tiny life can affect a whole world of people?? My precious Abigail was finally born on 10/15/05, my mom's birthday and the 21st anniversary of my uncle's murder. And being only minutes old her birth impacted so many peoples lives it almost seemed unreal. But for the first time in 21 years I watched Joy come back into my family's lives. And when I looked up to see my mother's face it was like someone took all the bad that had ever happend in her life and washed it all away! And then after we bring her home I find a letter that my little sister -who was ready to give up on life and everything - had written to my little angel.
She told her how she was ready to give up on everything until she held her for the very first time, and said that she was the reason why she decided to keep on going!! So many things have happened that I am completely amazed at the phenomenons that have taken place since then. And I thank God daily for my angel.

Life as we all know it has changed and will never be the same. And to me that is a great blessing!!! My prayer now is that everyday for the rest of my precious baby girl's life she makes a life changing impact on peoples lives everywhere!!!!